God Je T'aime

You Won’t Relent

A few months ago while having a bit of a Kim Edwards binge, I stumbled upon the song “You Won’t Relent,” a sort of duet between her and Chris Quilala. I liked it, listened to it and watched the youtube video several times, but only really took it at face value. I heard the overall message of the song, which seemed to be relatively the same as other contemporary Christian tracks, but mostly enjoyed it because I just really like Kim Edward’s voice. Then, today, I was sitting down with a late breakfast and listening to a playlist I’d just made on Grooveshark, when I heard a song I didn’t quite recognize. My face crumpled into a look of confusion waiting to figure out what the mystery song on the playlist I had personally created no less than fifteen minutes ago was. Soon enough I realized it was “You Won’t Relent,” but this version was a bit different from what I had been accustomed too, although on second thought, I now realize it was exactly the same. See, the youtube video starts out really loud with tons of instruments beating out a rhythm at the same time. Another characteristic to a majority of contemporary Christian music. Eventually the video gets quiter and the main riff to the song begins. The difference between the video and the song on my playlist was that it started with the quiet. It’s amazing how a moment of quiet can really let us think. This time, more than ever before, I heard the lyrics. “You won’t relent until you have it all/my heart is yours” I think just then, for the first time, I realized how much of a fighter God is for us. This summer has been weird for me, in fact, the whole year has been. A lot of things happened but the one thing that basically stopped was my walk with God. I grew quite complacent. I moved my focus to other places, a pattern you’re quite used to hearing about if you read my tumblr. The fact of the matter is, while I was doing all the things I wanted to do, all the things I thought I’d get some sort of joy out of, I was sincerely unhappy. I wasn’t with God anymore, and where there is no God there is no peace. But, this song, the lyrics, let me think, let me realize that He won’t relent until I’m all His. He won’t give up the fight until it’s all over. No matter how many times we turn away, say no, decide on something or someone else, He won’t relent. Can you imagine a God who doesn’t relelnt? A God who wants us so badly that He’ll take all the punches, He’ll take our denial, and frankly, take all of our bullshit until we’re His? A God who will not let “death or life, angels or demons, the present or the future, or any powers, or the height or depth, or anything else in all creation to separate us from His love.” [Romans 8:38-39] He knows what we’re fighting against, He knows it’s hard, He knows it all, but He’s not going to let us fall. He won’t relent.

Just When You Think You Might Fall Apart

There is this sign that comes into view each time I know I’m about to do something wrong. It’s my warning sign, my signal, to turn around, go back to where I came from. Don’t make another move. I see the sign, I stare at it for a minute, and then completely disregard it.

This is my life. This is who I am.

I go ahead and do what I told myself I wouldn’t. Sometimes fall into it without even meaning to. Looking up at the end, wondering how I got there. It all happens so quickly and there’s no satisfaction at the end. So why do it? The jig is up. We’re not getting any real love from this.

I am deisgned to create. To explore. To inspire. But I can’t reach my full potential, in fact I won’t reach it, if I don’t let Him take over. We all think we’ve got it under control. We think this world is ours and we can move in it without help, but that’s not true. We can’t do this alone, and we’re living that out everyday. Proving to ourselves how powerless we are. How much we need what we don’t want to have. But none of us are winning here. We’re just falling into this deeper, darker pit. Lives set up to imply a sense of perfection, happiness, but none of us have it.

Circling the deep I see the light. Ask me if I want this and I wonder what kind of answer I’ll give you.

Leave it to us, the form who believe we are the brightest, most intelligent, most beautiful, most intriguing species, and watch us all fall apart.

I bet they’re watching. Watching us all far apart.

but, He says,

“I Will Hold You Together”

Do you want to be held? Do you want to be Loved?

Let Me Go Home

I went to see Edward Sharpe and The Magnetic Zeros Tuesday night. I used my Canon AE-1 Program for the first time, and I’m pretty happy with how well they turned out. I think I’ll be putting down my digital camera for awhile. Here are some of my favorites. They’re a bit better if you roll over them, but are obviously at their full quality in person.

Play This

In My Veins